Recently I wrote an open letter in response to RuPaul’s Drag Race’s use of trans derogatory language.  As someone who has had an evolving relationship with those words I understand the temptation to defend the use of such language as “freedom of speech” and “too PC”.  Before I started the deliberate journey to be myself by pursuing a path to “transition”, I was heavily involved in the Drag Community.  As a showgirl, I found it easy and humorous to use trans-specific terms to evoke laughter from my audience but somewhere within my journey I realized that those terms no longer identified me.  When people referred to me with those words they were uncomfortable and incongruous with my identity. I freely and regretfully admit that I have defended the use of such words in the past as well. So why is it so pressing for me to be a verbal opponent to the words that I embraced and used in the past?

The words most often used in humor from stages across the world by drag queens and showgirls, some of whom identify as trans, are offensive because they demean and trivialize our journeys.  The very same words are yelled out and thrown at us in attempts to removed we who, by our very existence pose a threat to a binary obsessed, highly patriarchal and massively misogynistic society.  Those words are many times the last words some of us hear. They are used to objectify and sensationalize our bodies which causes many of us to resort to participate within the underground economy by engaging in sex work. Those words further exacerbate a trans-phobic atmosphere within mainstream society, and the LGB community and contribute heavily to internalized trans-phobic attitudes within transgender community.

The response to “An Open Letter To RuPaul” that I penned was quite sobering as well as disheartening. I was shocked to have such hateful responses to my objection of defamatory language within a program.  I actually wrote the article, not out of offense, because as I mentioned I’ve had an evolving relationship with the same words. I wrote the article as a way to express my dismay with a highly visible member of the LGBT community and their insensitivity to those who are the “T” within the community. I did this only to find out that, more that I’d ever realized, we are still marginalized and despised by those with whom we are supposed to be allied. I was scolded by cisgender, gay men for being too sensitive or irrational.  As a female I’ve seen this over and over in movies and within my home as a youth.  The male will tell the female that she’s “being hysterical” and that she “needs to calm down”.  Well, as someone who is so incredibly proud to be a woman, this doesn’t sit well with me in the least. It is dismissive, misogynistic and just plain rude. Cisgender men, yes even gay men, insist on trying to put us in “our place” when we speak our mind.  This is just unacceptable.

My reaction to all of this was a surprise to me. My desire was to respond as graciously as possible, yet the amount I could muster was minimal.  I get emotional about these issues because my brothers and sisters face unfathomable disparities, hatred, and discrimination everyday.  And I don’t know about you but the phrases “chill out”, and “calm down Mary” have the entirely opposite effect.

The arguments spat at me over and over were just shocking to me.  “It’s just comedy and comedy is offensive”…would it be as palatable to you if I used the f’ word or would it be as acceptable for me to use the n’ word? ABSOLUTELY NOT.  The cisgender gay men would be up in arms if I called them that word.  People of color would be equally and rightfully offended if derogatory words were used, so why is it acceptable for you to use words that are offensive to us?

I had several gentlemen who were quite offended by my use of “cisgender”. So, what you’re saying is that you’re angry that I might have been offended by the use of some words that are deemed offensive and problematic by GLAAD, yet you are equally as offended by a Latin derived prefix? This is absolutely preposterous.  Being offended by Cis- is like being offended by Homo-, or Hetero- this makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.  You can’t be offended by cis, unless you’re offended that you’re a homosapien. But I’m not here to criticize your unease with certain words, I’m here to express why this is so important to me and much of the transgender community.

It is important, because we have stood alongside you from the very beginning. We were there at Stonewall fighting for all of our rights. We fought along side you just to gain visibility for those of us who are marginalized.  We marched in parades and protests alike to demand non-discriminatory workplaces and living spaces. We have been strong proponents for repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. We have been arm and arm in your fight for marriage equality. Yet for all these years our issues and visibility has been set aside as less important while our trans-children have attempted or successfully committed suicide at a rate far greater than any other group.  While discrimination and harassment within the workplace has been more than common place but almost viewed as a privilege by cisgender individuals. While our brothers and sisters have been incarcerated for defending themselves. While we have been murdered and brushed under the media rug like trash and dust. This is why it’s important to speak out.  This is why I am visible and vocal on these issues.  This is why we need YOU to lock arms with US in our struggles now and to forge a better life for ALL and not just the elite or “more desirable” of us.