It’s a Monday.  I got called out for a day gig and stayed in bed almost all day.  My lack of gumption exacerbated by the intermittent rain that has been sprinkling at times and pounding at others.

I was due to have a meeting which is the only thing that spurred me to brush my pearlies, take my meds and to forage for food and the long awaited first cup of coffee. The trip was almost thwarted by a rescheduling of said meeting. Despite which I have managed to acquire sustenance and am currently gazing longingly at a very handsome barista whom I’ve had a short lived marriage and torrid love affair with all in the span of 45 minutes. I’ll miss him when I leave. Which will be in about an hour and a half, so I’ll continue to write and imagine our happy life together.

I have a very vivid imagination if you haven’t gathered.

I just wanted to write a little today given that the post I did yesterday “Being ‘Put In My Place'” was so cathartic for me. So many of you have been so sweet about the post and have said such wonderful things.  I really appreciate all of your sentiments.  A few of you said “I’m sorry that that happened to you.” and as much as I appreciate it and understand where you’re all coming from with that I am BLESSED that it happened.

There was a point last summer where things got really tough for me.  I was at a point where all I could muster was hopelessness.  During that time a friend whom I rarely see said that she’d go to a taping of “Chelsea Lately” with me. I was able to procure tickets and it seemed that everyone I asked to accompany me were unable with the exception of this friend.  So she and I put the plans into motion and contrary to the habit of many of my LA friends, she did not flake.

We arrived at the studios and waited.  Other than a few trips back and forth to her car to leave our cell phones and other contraband we stayed in that line.  She struck up a conversation with a couple in front of us and we laughed and had a great time waiting.  The show was great! My crush on Josh Wolf increased (I’m not a stalker or anything – much).

After the show she and I went to dinner.  We caught up, since we hadn’t seen each other in a bit.  I expressed my frustration with life and disillusionment with the principles of the “law of attraction”. I can’t even remember the point where this came up, but I told her about how transitioning for me has been rather easy.  I know of several people who haven’t had it so.  I know people who look like men trying to be women.  For them it is such a struggle just to live each day.  To go into a workforce where they are ostracized or blatantly discriminated against.  To walk down the street and have people mock them, to whisper about them and to treat them as something other than human. The next words were the most profoundly impacting words I have ever said. “I’m blessed.”Two simple words that radically impacted my life.  Two words coaxed out of me by a friend who patiently listened to me bitching. “I’m blessed”

It sounds cheesey, I know.  But something inside of me shift when I actually heard those words coming from my mouth as if a stranger had spoken them to my soul. I’m blessed. It was a moment within a million moments that we have each day, but this moment was SOMETHING.  It was moment of clarity, of freedom.

You see, I know that I’m rather passable.  I know that things have been easier for me than many.  I know that the first time a needle pierced my skin delivering estrogen that I was becoming who I was meant to be always.  It came as second nature.  I didn’t have to grasp in desperation for femininity. It just blossomed from within me.  The woman that could have been birthed during puberty, as it does with most young women, had finally bloomed from inside of me. It was as easy as taking a shot and breathing. Not that there weren’t challenges.  If there weren’t challenges there would be no reason to grow.

I am blessed to be who I am.  I am blessed.