Today, I am kind of tired.  I’m feeling a little moody and not particularly excited to go to work, but I’m feeling blessed.  I’ve been doing some things that are moving me forward and am feeling blessed.

As my article on Life By Me comes out, I’m feeling a little more authentic.  This past week I spent some time on the road with the “Stand Up Proud” comedy tour in Texas.  I’ll admit that it was a bit roller-coastery, but my return to Dallas brought about much emotion and healing for me.  You see, It’s been over 2 years since I’ve been home, and longer since I’ve spent any real time there.

I had confirmations from many of the people that came to the show and no confirmations from an equal amount of attendees that I knew…from high school! WHAT?!?!  I KNOW!  Who would have thought all those years ago that people from my small town ofa1700 (for all of my “growing up” years) would come to see a transgender person say some funny stuff?  I saw people that I hadn’t see in quite a few years.  The kicker was that my Mother came!

I wasn’t made aware that she would be coming until very shortly before I went on stage. I was scared to death.  I thought about editing my set…but if I did that, I wouldn’t have a set. So, I saw her, we chatted and I did my set.  It felt amazingly liberating to be able to just say some of the crazy stuff I say in front of my mom. There are still issues but we’re on the journey.

There are still some family members that don’t really know, or that I don’t feel comfortable being “me” around. Which comes to the next thought.  So when I was sitting in the “Life By Me” offices speaking on Authenticity, I was confronted with some portion of in-authenticity.  I’ve been committed to “authenticity” for several years and have spoken to Authentic You TV regarding the same subject but at this point I recounted a story where I used my birth name with my grandfather.  Most people would have done the same, but now in front of the very people I was speaking to about the integrity of living a life true to ones self, I realised that I was not.  Well, I wasn’t to my grand father.

Who does this hurt?

Did it hurt me?  Yes, maybe a little bit.  I mean I’ve finally come to be ok with myself, but I’m still calling myself by an identity that I no longer embrace if I ever did. Did it hurt my grand father? The answer is arguable, but I do believe that when we sacrifice our authenticity to appease our selves or someone else we do both a disservice.  You see, when we sacrifice our authenticity, the person we are reacting or interacting with gets a copy or substitute of us.  It’s like sending a prefabricated person who will reflect the  person’s own moralities and speak pleasantries that will not challenge them.  Does this mean that I have rectified the situation?  Sadly no.  How does one really go about doing something like that?  I don’t have the answer, but I hope that in the places where in-authenticity still exists that I will be able to find the courage to resist the lure of it and do the more courageous thing and live true to myself.  That’s what God wants from us all.

So, the conclusion that I’ve come to is that Authenticity, as many things in our lives, is a journey.
Love, Light & Laughter,

~Dina!~